Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
