What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
