Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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