i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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