i don't like sucking hair
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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