All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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