Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
