Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
