So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
