no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
