I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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