You made me cry and you don't even care
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
