You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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