Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
