we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
