I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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