im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
