What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So vagazzling was a success
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
