It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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