Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
