The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
