Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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