there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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