two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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