You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
