Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
