dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
