Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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