ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
