Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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