he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
