I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
