Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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