Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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