hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
