i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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