Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
