That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
