Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
