K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
