Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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