Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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