What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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