i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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