You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
