the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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