Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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