Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
