I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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