I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
