Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
