i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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