Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
