If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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